Who are you
I'm always being asked. Where are you from? When I come around I notice I get long looks that speak so loudly that I instantly feel insecure. The brave or maybe the super absorbed ones ask....... Where are you from? How old are you? Are you married? What school did you go to? You have a 15-year-old son? Oh, and let's not forget.... But what kind of black are you? I'm shy, odd, and insecure and live inside of myself a lot. A little high maintenance yet highly misunderstood!
She would say
Now I know for sure without a doubt my mom loved me like crazy. As a child I thought everybody’s mom was like mine. As an adult I noticed I was clearly wrong and super blessed. When I was a child I was waking up for school by my mom singing “sleeping beauty, sleeping beauty time to wake up”. How amazing is a person to get up in the morning let me say it again “in the morning” to sing to someone to wake them up? That’s love.
Midlife Hair Crisis
What a great year it has been I’m 34 and just moved to Austin, Tx. away from my whole family. Work is amazing, the kids are in great schools for free and I’m dealing with this guy I’m really liking too. Plus, the summer is on the way. Yeah, but I’m a little scared to turn 35, 34 has been so good to me I don’t want to say goodbye just yet. I feel like I look my best and I feeling so brave, I can do anything. So how will I ever top 34? I need a new look! Oh, and I need to get back in the gym asap and as soon as I turn 35 I need to reach one of my goals that’s on my vision board. You know to start the next year off right. Right? Okay okay…. let’s start with a new look, my hair. A new hair style will change my whole look or at less it could/should. Right? My birthday is four weeks away. I have plenty of time to figure it out and I have some good ideas too. So long story short, nine hairstyles later, and three that never left my bathroom, two that only last for one day. I rested on a basic look that anyone could have done. At less my co-worker had fun seeing all the wonderful things that could be done with “my type” of hair. I’m 35 now and the midlife hair crisis continues as I sit at work right now. With my hair in faux locs that I’ve had in for not even a full week yet, that I want to take out. Besides my hair 35 so far is good…
Ok so I don’t like him anymore
So, I want to tell him I don’t like him anymore, and then we both be adults about it and get to business on giving these kids the best life ever. He’s not my type anymore and it’s not that we aren’t on the same page anymore it’s that we are two different books. No, I don’t have eyes for anyone else I just don’t like him anymore. When I’m talking to myself about it in my mind the conversation goes so smooth and I’m so optimistic with the outcome. We can be friends and co-parent and be happy for each other as we go and live our own lives. Three years later I can tell you’ll it happens nothing like that at all.
Some feedback please, or maybe just listen….
I love my kids so much I think I may be a bad mom. I’m sitting here with my mouth half open looking out into space really judging myself. Okay so for an example I don’t make my daughter eat at a certain time. She will eat when she gets hungry. It doesn’t faze me when my son says “huh” when I call him. I don’t care about him sucking his teeth from time to time…. Who cares, the answer is still “we will see”. So, am I a bad mom? My sister highly disagrees with my way of doing things with my kids well not just her, but a few people do. When I had my son, I thought maybe I left the “how-to” manual at the hospital. When I had my daughter, I was looking for it. To make sure I packed it away with everything else for sure this time. Right? Realized they didn’t give one out in the first place. I was going to have to go in blind once again. With these two monsters been ten years apart you know I forgot everything from the first go around.
We all have had this conversation
I was on a date and we didn’t want to leave each other yet so we keep finding things to talk about just for the sole purpose to be in each other’s face. He said the Power ball is up to 400 something million. Are you going to get a ticket? I replied I don’t know maybe, I should talk to God about it first. You know, to remind him, that I’m older now and I’m ready for such responsibility. He smiled and made himself comfortable as he was ready to listen with open ears. I sit up proudly as I got ready to blow his mind with the plan I had for such money. To start out and get it out the way I would give my baby daddy 50% since we are still legal married. Wait mins child support for the next 13 years and lawyer fees for the divorce of course. After that I will put my son’s and daughter’s money away for when they are adults. Give a million to my church that I’m not an actual member of but love. That I actually watch online. Don’t judge me, I’m on time for their Facebook live every Sunday. I would give my three sisters, my dad and step dad a good amount. With the condition that they will filter down some of their money to at less two other family members. There are a few friends with hearts of gold that I would have to share with too. After that I’m gone! My kids and I would travel the world and study around the world as students. I have a dream to become an eastern medicine doctor, and ballerina. Wait. Say it again. He interrupted me for clarification. I said “what” and assumed I had to elaborate on what eastern medicine was. He quickly stopped me and said no I get that but a ballerina? I looked at him super confused and said yes and continued to explain “a hip hop ballerina”. Raising my tone on the “rina” part. He stopped me again asking “how old are you again” as if I ever told him in the first place. I said with pride I’m 34. He giggled and grab my leg and said okay that’s cool. I called him a hater immediately and told him that I liked him but if he didn’t believe in me I didn’t think we would be going any further than tonight. Can a girl dream?
Bianca is a mom of two, she works in the beauty industry. A city girl from Chicago who is falling in love with the south. as she makes Austin, TX. her new home. A little high maintenance, yet highly misunderstood.